so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
