My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
