are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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