Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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