last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
