Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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