watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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