i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
