I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
