I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
