Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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