garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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