oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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