Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
