I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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