He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
