Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
