Me too!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You made out with two different species that night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
is that a dick in a sweater?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
