I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
