I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need moral support for this bender
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
