I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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