I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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