That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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