Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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