Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
