True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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