her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
