did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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