Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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