The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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