She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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