everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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