yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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