the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
