I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
