your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
