Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
