I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
