It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
