I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
