i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
