Umm I'm too high to move.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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