oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
