..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
