He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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