My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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