dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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