So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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