I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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