Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
