if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
