My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
two words: eviction party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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