I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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