I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
