I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
